You are the End of my Suffering

dead_insidex @ 2005-05-27T17:06:00

2005-05-27T21:29:18Z

to my Baby-
im sorry for what im doing to myself. i might need help. i dont know, i gonna try my hardest not to and see how long i can go. you know me to good, and i know you better than anyone else. baby, i dont know how many times i have to say this, but you are the only girl in my heart, and will always be their. no need to worry about anyone else. my bad habits will soon pass, i just need to keep myself occupied. the more we're apart the more a crave your touch. you have no idea. since the first glance at you, you were mine. i could see it, i could see that one day ill have you. and that day as come a long time ago. baby, i need you the most now to help me. you care about me so much, help me stop me from what i might become. i need you

Get it straight it's a herb not a drug

2005-05-20T01:08:32Z

Labeled pot heads now we're all afflicted,
But why? cuz we like to get high?
Take me to the mountain high, where I can smoke a bowl in peace while I drive
I'm on a Back road with my sunroof open, on the way to meet the friends, we'll gather and tokin', and we
Build a fire and chill for the night, get drunk on old times and roll a few, what I like we just,
Sit there, fire and reminisce 'bout the best days of our lives and we be the ones blazin'
There's nothing in the world like some good times and good vibes
Surrounded with your friends and your family by your side
All the time you spent together going out havin' fun
Doin' the things you do, this life style's got us on the run
Life's too precious every moment make it count
Some days you're on the top some day's you're down and out
This life's a gift, I'm gonna shine my light
So sit back, relax, get high, with us and kick it with us tonight

Something I Can Never Have

2005-04-25T10:13:52Z

I still recall the taste of your tears.
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
Scraping through my head 'till I don't want to sleep anymore.

Come on tell me.
You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I'm down to just one thing.
And I'm starting to scare myself.
You make this all go way.
You make this all go way.
I just want something.
I just want something I can never have

You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now.
This thing is slowly taking me apart.
Grey would be the color if I had a heart.
Come on tell me

In this place it seems like such a shame.
Though it all looks different now,
I know it's still the same
Everywhere I look you're all I see.
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be.

I just want something.
I just want something I can never have
I just want something I can never have

dead_insidex @ 2005-04-06T14:19:00

2005-04-06T18:33:21Z

Hey look I'm peter... I'm emo, I want to commit suicide... I'm SO EMO ::covers one eye with left hand with Bum and laughs at madi for listening to Atreyu:: asjdfklj alsjfklsd akljdflskjf ksdfjdlsk fjl;kasjdf;lajf pokemon?

ANYWAYS ok this weekend.. who wants to come, I'm making peter sleep out one night, and were going to party.. I'm going to call up Kristi and see where the hotel partys are at lol.. and I'm going to call Jamie and Kayla and see what there doing. I'm going to IM Harrison and Alexa and ask where the weed's at.. and I'm going to RECALL Kristi and maybe Heather and ask were the OE's at.. and maybe I'll ask Jen (who happens to have the same birthday as me.. idk but I HAD TO say that) and Adam cuz there just fun alcoholics and I love them... umm let's see what else do we need... some more people.... and were going to have fun.. ok?

Peter needs to get UNEMO so were going to get him trashed, and let him have fun with his fucking life.

dead_insidex @ 2005-04-04T22:01:00

2005-04-05T02:02:44Z

Hurt.

Devil's Path

2005-04-01T01:15:51Z

Thousand different paths
So many sterile ends
I chose the Devil's path
Never shall the sun kiss my face
And caress me with it's burning light
For I dwell in the shadows
And sleep side by side with death
In dark desire I embrace the whore
Giving her an escape from an unworthy life
For with the appearance of the Fallen Angel
I serve Satan
I serve Darkness
I am a prince among the damned
As I've been for eternity
A monarch in a dark paradise
Cursed by life and the living
Oh tremble not my immortal heart
Though you beat in the shadows of death
Eternal life is the blessing
And I shall rule for another thousand years
I blew out the light
Abandoned Jesus Christ
Christian life forms' grief's
We buried their belief's
Waiting for their saviours rebirth
The dawn was soon to come
The dawn would soon be gone
There in that formless abyss was I made
A partaker of the mysteries averse
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and so0 it begins

It's your baby girl. <3

2005-02-09T21:48:59Z

I'm on your account.

I suck I know...

But I just wanted to say....

I ♥ you...

.....

....

...

..

.

And that I will never let go ♥

♥ always,
Your baby girl, Your herby, Just yours,
Madison Jake Mizrahi

...And now with the following Collection of...

2005-01-06T03:47:38Z

its been goin pretty good for me lately. i have everything i can ask for and some. i have a beautiful and caring girlfriend, my friends and family, and my computers. thats right computerS, i have more than one. i havent been doing much, just hanging out with my buddies or my girlfriend. school starts again in 5 days..sucks. ive been smoking myself retarted as often as possible. the last time, i dont remember that much. it was a crazy night. pipes and weed was being passed around, everyone was thrashed. Paralized from it all. it need to shave my head again, my hair is getting out of control. i really have to noting to write about. thats why never write in here.

"Cold was my soul
Untold was the pain
I faced when you left me
A rose in the rain
So I swore to the razor
That never, enchained
Would your dark nails of faith
Be pushed through my veins again."

im in one of my moods, i think....

<3 i love you babe <3

dead_insidex @ 2004-11-25T09:54:00

2004-11-25T14:54:32Z

I love my baby herby...

So0 far...You have returned to the torture-chambers

2004-09-23T00:42:25Z

You have returned to the torture-chambers
To find peace among the rotting corpses
You have returned to the execution place
To inhale the smell of blood

Death and terror rules the land
We have been spellbound
By the Devil
You have returned to the hidden graves
Only you know about
You have returned to to face your victims
And feel sensation of violence once again

Death and terror rules the soul
You have been spellbound
By the Devil
Murderer, you have returned
To create fear and sorrow
Death and terror rules the land
We have been spellbound
By the Devil

PS who still reads this??1

Beach

2004-09-12T12:31:17Z

Bum came and pickd me and Kor3a up saturday afternoon, we went to trents than to Alexs'.... we headed down to ft Laurdale beach and got HIGH as fuck....we must of been in the wrong part of the beach cause there was a large supply of dick..like its was Gay pride week...RAINBOW UMBELLAS!!! we had a great time.. the waves were huge!! like fuckin huge!....we went out to a sandbar and got Beat up by the waves JEff was struggling to stay afloat... it was awesome.. Alex beefd it bad on the skim board,, hahaha he fell in to a wave and landed str8 on his ass and bounced. and Trent did a few face dives..lol some homo came and askd to try the board.. THIS FUCKIN GUY FELL ON HIS ASS LIKE 10 TIMES...me and bum were pissin our pants we were laughing so0 hard..it was an awesome day
i definitely needed a day like that

The Brief summary of tonite

2004-09-06T08:56:37Z

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

ah

2004-08-11T02:21:14Z

hey guys, hows it goin?
today was a laid back day, didnt do much till around 1230 wen i went to brandons.hes shitty xBox like blew up some he were fixin it.we gave up anvd went to Wally World. for the dumb people out their Wally World = Walmart. well we went there for a lil while and did nothing.i was lookin for Detriot Rock City and he say lookin for the Sealab 2021 dvd. which is pretty cool. i downloaded the Smashing Pumpkins Greatest Hits CD today and might i say; its good! yea im b0red...to like the 3rd freakin power bored!!
ahh fuck it

-tru XIII

Im Back

2004-08-10T01:03:23Z

hey everyone
i got back from New Jersey about 2 and a half hours ago.man im beat. i had such funn
the first i night i got their me and my brother stayd at my uncles house, Me Dan my uncle and my lil cousin went fishin..its was cool, we all caught something.we left from my uncles around 1230 saturday to go to a party for Ashlee (reason we up there).i might Johns daughter, John is my moms bestfriends' husband. ive nvr seen Natalie before,so0 i was i a little curious on how she lookd. and to my surprise we lookd great. lol a guy at the party siad she looks like Sandra Bullock. thier was a "bar", so0 naturally i stockd myself with as much booze b4 my mom cut me off. i would say i was pretty lit. i kept givin natelie parts if my drinks and she got her own. My drink of choice that nite was Daquri. good stuff. me and her grew to each other. the family was over thier and they saw me wasted. they were raggin on me for being drunk and Rita was a having a field on me (God Bless her, she is the coolest lady in the world). i was wearing a straw skirt and holdin an alcoholic beverage in my hand the whole nite. whne the party startd to die down. me and nat went upstairs to her room and playd some guitar and watchd TV. i stayd up with her till about 4am wen i was totally sober so0 i wouldnt have a hang over the next morning. Im smart ;D...natalie is great..im gonna leave it PG13... and say we made out ALOT, we were watching Futrama. we madeout. yea..!!shes awesome!!..Nat if ur reading this u kno what im talkin about..she was gonna come with us to the city the next day but she had to go with her mom @ 130 and i was trying to get her to go. cause i didnt want her to go. but she had to :( she didnt want to go..she askd me at like 2am if she can pack herself in my bag cause she didnt want to leave me, nor did i want to leave her. i told her next time im up thier shes gonna stay with me. She great, gorgeous, funny, sarcastic.i like her alot so does my aunt and rita.
well im done for now
ill write later..........if i remember

-tru XIII

New Band??

2004-08-03T02:33:58Z

Today was boring as fuck till moses calld me and c if i wantd to play bass for his band. Moses, felipe, John, and Me are in it...i like their sound i learnd some neat
stuff..Thrusday we're gonna practice again..so0 yea its good stuff.friday im leavin for Jersey! cant wait!!

"Take...this...away...
I can feel it on my mouth
I can taste you on my fingers
I can hear you like the holy ghost
And kill you if you get too close !"

Left Behind - Slipknot

it hurts to exist

2004-07-31T23:45:02Z

YOU FUCKING PARASITE!!
I'LL BEAT YOU TIL YOU DIE!!!

it hides inside me,
IT HIDES INSIDE ME!

SIC SEMPER TYRANNUS!

EVERYDAY YOU DECAY
IN CHAINS, DISMAYED
BROKEN SOUL, SPLINTERED BONES
GHOST-CHILDREN

IN THEIR GRAVES, SOLD AS SLAVES
UNSTABLE, GREEDY FLAMES

LIFE IS A SACRIFICE
A 7 INCH SLICE
THE STILL-BORN WASTE
OF A SUICIDE CHRIST

i'm learning to like the pain ....

I HOPE YOU DIE
WE, BROKEN PEOPLE

I HOPE YOU DIE
WE, BROKEN PEOPLE

it hides inside me,
IT HIDES INSIDE ME!

EVERYTHING IS DEAD
EVERY DAY IS BLACK

WORD BECOMES FLESH
BLOODIED, BURNED, & SCRATCHED

EVERYTHING IS DEAD
EVERY DAY IS BLACK

THE FACE I WORE WAS YOURS
AS I LAUNCHED THIS SELF-ATTACK

HYPOCRITE!
HERETIC!
BLASPHEMER!

in pain.
insane.

a bullet in the head
a knife wound in the .....
i cried, as my innocence died.

i cried,
as my innocence died.

DEATH WILL HAVE MERCY,
I WON'T.

HERE IN THE SERIAL-KILLER HOLY LAND.
[i will sit, i will wait, i will make no mistake,
i will sit, i will wait, for as long as it takes]

IT'S NOT OVER,
WE'VE ONLY JUST BEGUN.

LIKE A FETUS ON THE FLOOR,
LIKE AN ADDICT WANTING MORE,
LIKE A SEX SLAVE ... CRYING & SORE ...

I WANT TO SMELL THE VIOLENCE,
I NEED TO SEE YOU BLEED,
TAKE ME INSIDE YOUR SOUL & MAKE IT WEEP FOR ME,
.... I NEED TO BELIEVE.

I WILL SIT!
I WILL WAIT!
I WILL MAKE!
NO MISTAKE!

I WILL SIT!
I WILL WAIT!
I WILL MAKE!
NO MISTAKE!

FROM SLAVE TO MASTER!
I'VE BECOME THE HYRDA!
MORE HEADS & VENOM!

IT HIDES!
INSIDE!!
ME!!!

HOOKS & SPLINTERS!
HOOKS & SPLINTERS!

[it hurts to exist]

Seamless

2004-07-30T13:50:22Z

If you said that you could kill the things inside me
You're just a liar, everything inside me's dead
It's nice of you to think that I could ever be that
But I'm not, I'm just a failure instead

Don't preach a story of success and gifted thinking
Because in the end were gonna end up the same way
Keep on living your whole life on hands and knees
'Cause I'll be standing waiting, life ends the same way

Never wanted this life
Because it's meaningless
Gone away from me

The life you've given is a poorly painted picture
The colors running and it's staggering my life
A definition of the truth is all I wanted
Not mental beatings falling short of stupidity

Don't give a speech on your prolific ways of living
You speak in vain whether you think you do or not
Spreading infection of the truth that leads to sick lies
You are the shame inside of me, you mindrot

Never wanted this life
Because it's meaningless
Gone away from me

If you said that you could kill the things inside me
You're just a liar, everything inside me's dead
It's nice of you to think that I could ever be that
But I'm not, I'm just a failure instead

You're so mistaken on the life you think I wanted
I'll give you credit for the effort you put forth
'Cause as it ends you're gonna start to realize that
Your fuckin' prejudice and words of wisdom go unheard

Never wanted this life
Because it's meaningless
Gone away from me

Never wanted this life...

Omega

2004-07-25T22:56:16Z

What a skeletal wreck of man this is.
Translucent flesh and feeble bones,
the kind of temple where the whores and villains try to tempt the holistic domes.
Running rampid with free thought to free form, and the free and clear.
When the matters at hand are shelled out like lint at a
laundry mat to sift and focus on the bigger, better, now.
We all have a little sin that needs venting,
virtues for the rending and laws and systems and stems are ripped
from the branches of office, do you know where your post entails?
Do you serve a purpose, or purposely serve?
When in doubt inside your atavistic allure, the value of a summer spent,
and a winter earned.
For the rest of us, there is always Sunday.
The day of the week the reeks of rest, but all we do is catch our breath,
so we can wade naked in the bloody pool, and place our hand on the big, black book.
To watch the knives zigzag between our aching fingers.
A vacation is a countdown, T minus your life and
counting, time to drag your tongue across the sugar cube,
and hope you get a taste.
WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THIS FOR?
WHAT THE HELL’S GOING ON? SHUT UP!
I can go on and on but lets move on, shall we?

Say, your me, and I’m you, and they all watch the things we do,
and like a smack of spite they threw me down the stairs,
haven’t felt like this in years.
The great magnet of malicious magnanimous refuse, let me go,
and punch me into the dead spout again.
That’s where you go when there’s no one else around,
it’s just you, and there was never anyone to begin with, now was there?
Sanctimonious pretentious dastardly bastards with their thumb on the pulse,
and a finger on the trigger.
CLASSIFIED MY ASS! THAT’S A FUCKING SECRET, AND YOU KNOW IT!
Government is another way to say better…than…you.
It’s like ice but no pick, a murder charge that won’t stick,
it’s like a whole other world where you can smell the food,
but you can’t touch the silverware.
Huh, what luck. Fascism you can vote for.
Humph, isn’t that sweet?
And we’re all gonna die some day, because that’s the American way,
and I’ve drunk too much, and said too little,
when your gaffer taped in the
middle, say a prayer, say a face, get your self together and see what’s happening.
SHUT UP! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!
I’m sorry, I could go on and on but
their times to move on so, remember: you’re a wreck, an accident.
Forget the freak, your just nature.
Keep the gun oiled, and the temple cleaned shit snort,
and blaspheme, let the heads cool, and the engine run.
Because in the end, everything we do, is just everything we’ve done.

Tainted Love

2004-07-25T19:28:38Z

Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
I've lost my lights
I toss and turn I can't sleep at night

Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Tainted love
Tainted love

Now I know I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
You don't really want any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
You think love is to pray
But I'm sorry I don't pray that way

Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Tainted love
Tainted love

Don't touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I'm going to pack my things and go
Touch me baby, tainted love
Touch me baby, tainted love
Touch me baby, tainted love

Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Tainted love
Tainted love
Tainted love

Havent slept!!

2004-07-24T11:33:00Z

ive been up for 24hrs and im wired outta my mind with mountain dew and hungry man dinners!!!! Lan Party at shauns....bum, korea and i joind up PLayed Call of Duty all nite :D diffently funn stuff...i just wanna apologize 2 a certain someone for being a major prick that past few days...yea im sry..shauns still playin the game hah, bum and korea are pastd out on the floor..pansy they wouldnt last in Quakecon, its for the hardcore..like me :D
ok im bored i need something to do :(

Live Love Burn Die

2004-07-22T23:08:28Z

If I gave you pretty enough words.
could you paint a picture of us that works.
an emphasis on function rather than design.
aren't you tired cause I will carry you, on a broken back
and blown out knees, I have been where you are for a while..
Aren't you tired of being weak?
Such rage that you could scream. the stars right out of the sky
And destroy the prettiest starry night. every evening that I die.
I am exhumed just a little less human and a lot more bitter and cold. [x3]
I am exhumed.. just a little less human....
so much more bitter and cold....
after all these images of pain, have cut right thru you,
I will kiss every scar, and weep you are not alone...
then I'll show you that place in my chest where my heart still tries to beat.
aren't you tired of being weak?
Such rage that you could scream. the stars right out of the sky
and destroy the prettiest starry night. every evening that I die
live love burn die

Don't Belong

2004-07-21T02:24:47Z

My mind takes you to where you need to be
Cure for your heartbreak to take away the pain
I could describe each mistake for you
Tattoo it on my tainted heart

well I won't ever tell the world
that I don't belong
Please don't ever tell the world
That I don't belong
That I don't belong

Can you still feel me or did I slip away
A sick man, a monster, broken still today
I can't explain what happens to me
Caught in the game I've always starred
I could decribe each mistake for you
Tattoo it on my tainted heart

Well I won't ever change my ways
and I can't be strong
That I don't belong

and it's my own shame
I can't break your ways

Well I won't ever change my ways
and I can't be strong
please don't ever tell the world
that I don't belong
that I don't belong
that I don't belong

Cum Dumpsters 4!!!!!!

2004-07-19T15:07:07Z

hiya, havent writin in this h0gg in a long time..i wonder who actually read this?? o well i dont care anyway...summers goin pretty good so0 far..schools starts agian in a few weeks, i wanna go back but i dont..its one of those paradoxs. someone i thought id never hear from again startd talkin to me again. and for the people who know me they kno who im talkin about..we startd to hang out alot now and its great..makes my day being with her..shes great..funn, playful, everything a guy could want in someone.and also how great she looks...OMG!! total h0ttness... :D i saw my Jamiesons yesterday...gave her a BIGGGG hugg...shes the coolest i love my jameisonss...ARRRGGGG im so0 bored. im eattin frosted cherrios mega good stuff.
i seriously have nothing else to write about...so0 i guess i write in this beast later

-XIII

(their are two XIII's in the world and we are the true XIII)

Prelude 3.0

2004-06-28T01:24:40Z

"Prelude 3.0"

I don't know why...
...I never told you
I don't know why...
...I never tried

When we shed these bitter skins again

All the reasons come to life
But now it's over..
Now it's over
Now it's over
Now it's over

I don't know why
You never asked me
And I don't know why
You never cared

Went we hide these little sins again

All the reasons
Have to die...
But now it's over
Now it's over
And now it's over
And now it's over
And now it's over!

Paradise's End

2004-06-23T02:36:57Z

On the edge of paradise
Tears of woe fall, cold as ice
Hear my cry
Renounce, have you, thy name
Eternal is my pain

Eternal is the pain that leads me
to the thrones of temptation
Eternal is the pain that leads me
to the thrones of temptation ...